The Prodigal Son Returns
I know I haven't posted in 4 months, and for those who actually check this blog, I apologize. Here is something I wrote for the Sojourn, IWU's fledgling newspaper, and my place of employment on campus. Enjoy.
"What's in a Name?"
William Shakespeare once wrote, “What's in a name? That which we call a roseby any other name would smell as sweet.” While that works for flowers, animals and inanimate objects, it does not work for local TV news personalities.
Local TV news personalities are an odd breed of human being. Most of the “talent” have normal, run-of-the-mill names, while some have outlandish names—names no mother would ever name their child. I believe I have discovered why this is.
Much like converts to Islam, some broadcast schools require their graduates to change their names upon their graduation (I actually have no basis for this, but it makes sense if you consider the names that some have). There are three basic naming practices they use, all causing comical results.
The first type of the three ridiculous naming practices is the changing of the spelling of a normal first name. Kellye Lynn, reporter for Baltimore’s KJZ-TV, decided that the more traditional spelling of “Kelly” wasn’t flashy enough for her profession. How is this name pronounced? Is it “Kelly” or is there an extra “ee” sound after the initial, normal “Kelly?” Does the extra “e” get her special treatment? Tax breaks? Street cred? Does this name not defy all human logic? These are things I want to know.
Before searching the internet, I didn’t realize how many variations there were of the name “Sydney.” Sydnie Kohara, anchor of San Francisco’s KPIX, traded the “y” for an “ie”—a typical re-spell move. Cydney Long, reporter for KYW in Philadelphia, however, deserves kudos for the riskier first-letter swap.
Jayne Smith and Tracie Bettenhausen of KXMB in Bismarck, N.D. and Catie Sheehan, reporter for WCIA in Champaign, Ill., also deserve a round of applause for successful alternative spellings.
The second technique is changing the first name into something that wouldn’t usually be considered a first name. Prentice Elliot, sports reporter for WRDW in Augusta, Ga. is a prime example of this method.
The award for craziest first name duo goes to the meteorologist combo of Duffy Atkins and Tegan Orpet from KHQA in Quincy, Ill. Yes, Duffy is an exceptable nickname…for a man. But this Duffy is a woman. And she’s using it in place of her real name. And Tegan…what can you say about this name?
Other notable first name-changers are Hutch Johnson of Chief Meterologist of Portland, Oregon’s KOIN (unfortunately, he doesn’t have a partner named Starsky. I checked.), Beasley Reece, Cydney Long’s cohort at KYW, who incidentally stole his name from his butler, and Harve Jacobs, reporter at WCSC in Charleston, S.C. also deserve recognition. However, Harve loses points for simply dropping a letter. Come on, Harve, be more creative.
The third mode of name-changing is the always-popular, absurd, last name switch. Many times, the TV news personality finds it necessary to change their last name to something impossible to pronounce. Like Shaun Chaiyabhat, WCIA reporter. Try to say his last name out loud (in your room, not in the Commons, or you will receive stares).
Alexis Del Cid, reporter at the aforementioned KOIN, decided it a good idea to adopt a last name of the popular hero of the chivalrous age of Spain (I know it’s really El Cid, but work with me on this one), and could be an effective name for a comic book villain. According to her online biography, “In her spare time, she enjoys walking, yoga and eating Thai food, but not at the same time.” If Del Cid could pull that off, she really would be a comic book villain.
I know that, through writing this article, I may have shed a negative light on the average TV news personality, and that’s not fair. Many of these people are very normal, with not-so-crazy names. Some are even inspiring. I couldn’t find a normal-named, inspirational personality, so I’ve decided to end with another weirdly-named reporter who is quasi-inspirational.
Gordon Boyd, WVLT Volunteer TV reporter, Knoxville, Tenn. (who might’ve changed his first name to express his love of a certain NASCAR driver) is an inspiration to me. He loves his job. He loves his community. He quotes Confucius in his online bio. I’m not kidding.
He writes, “Confucius was right, distance does lend enchantment to the view” So true, Gordon Boyd. He continues, “We strive to make our coverage factual and flavorful, clear and complete.” Why, Gordon?
“[Because] Families matter.
Integrity matters.
Delivering on your promises, matters.”
He should’ve changed his name to Gordon Shakespeare.
"What's in a Name?"
William Shakespeare once wrote, “What's in a name? That which we call a roseby any other name would smell as sweet.” While that works for flowers, animals and inanimate objects, it does not work for local TV news personalities.
Local TV news personalities are an odd breed of human being. Most of the “talent” have normal, run-of-the-mill names, while some have outlandish names—names no mother would ever name their child. I believe I have discovered why this is.
Much like converts to Islam, some broadcast schools require their graduates to change their names upon their graduation (I actually have no basis for this, but it makes sense if you consider the names that some have). There are three basic naming practices they use, all causing comical results.
The first type of the three ridiculous naming practices is the changing of the spelling of a normal first name. Kellye Lynn, reporter for Baltimore’s KJZ-TV, decided that the more traditional spelling of “Kelly” wasn’t flashy enough for her profession. How is this name pronounced? Is it “Kelly” or is there an extra “ee” sound after the initial, normal “Kelly?” Does the extra “e” get her special treatment? Tax breaks? Street cred? Does this name not defy all human logic? These are things I want to know.
Before searching the internet, I didn’t realize how many variations there were of the name “Sydney.” Sydnie Kohara, anchor of San Francisco’s KPIX, traded the “y” for an “ie”—a typical re-spell move. Cydney Long, reporter for KYW in Philadelphia, however, deserves kudos for the riskier first-letter swap.
Jayne Smith and Tracie Bettenhausen of KXMB in Bismarck, N.D. and Catie Sheehan, reporter for WCIA in Champaign, Ill., also deserve a round of applause for successful alternative spellings.
The second technique is changing the first name into something that wouldn’t usually be considered a first name. Prentice Elliot, sports reporter for WRDW in Augusta, Ga. is a prime example of this method.
The award for craziest first name duo goes to the meteorologist combo of Duffy Atkins and Tegan Orpet from KHQA in Quincy, Ill. Yes, Duffy is an exceptable nickname…for a man. But this Duffy is a woman. And she’s using it in place of her real name. And Tegan…what can you say about this name?
Other notable first name-changers are Hutch Johnson of Chief Meterologist of Portland, Oregon’s KOIN (unfortunately, he doesn’t have a partner named Starsky. I checked.), Beasley Reece, Cydney Long’s cohort at KYW, who incidentally stole his name from his butler, and Harve Jacobs, reporter at WCSC in Charleston, S.C. also deserve recognition. However, Harve loses points for simply dropping a letter. Come on, Harve, be more creative.
The third mode of name-changing is the always-popular, absurd, last name switch. Many times, the TV news personality finds it necessary to change their last name to something impossible to pronounce. Like Shaun Chaiyabhat, WCIA reporter. Try to say his last name out loud (in your room, not in the Commons, or you will receive stares).
Alexis Del Cid, reporter at the aforementioned KOIN, decided it a good idea to adopt a last name of the popular hero of the chivalrous age of Spain (I know it’s really El Cid, but work with me on this one), and could be an effective name for a comic book villain. According to her online biography, “In her spare time, she enjoys walking, yoga and eating Thai food, but not at the same time.” If Del Cid could pull that off, she really would be a comic book villain.
I know that, through writing this article, I may have shed a negative light on the average TV news personality, and that’s not fair. Many of these people are very normal, with not-so-crazy names. Some are even inspiring. I couldn’t find a normal-named, inspirational personality, so I’ve decided to end with another weirdly-named reporter who is quasi-inspirational.
Gordon Boyd, WVLT Volunteer TV reporter, Knoxville, Tenn. (who might’ve changed his first name to express his love of a certain NASCAR driver) is an inspiration to me. He loves his job. He loves his community. He quotes Confucius in his online bio. I’m not kidding.
He writes, “Confucius was right, distance does lend enchantment to the view” So true, Gordon Boyd. He continues, “We strive to make our coverage factual and flavorful, clear and complete.” Why, Gordon?
“[Because] Families matter.
Integrity matters.
Delivering on your promises, matters.”
He should’ve changed his name to Gordon Shakespeare.
posted by Bryan at 5:25 PM
2 comments
